she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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