a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
