I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
