At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
When are your genitals available?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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