I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
