Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
