I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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