sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I will be naked everywhere
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
