why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
