I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
