I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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