Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
