so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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