no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
