Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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