Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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