i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
