I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
