peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Randomize
