Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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