he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
