Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
