be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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