I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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