please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
