Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
