watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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