took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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