I hate all girls vehemently.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
