I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
