why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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