Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
