He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
