glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
