so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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