The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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