We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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