I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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