How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
