But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
