I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
