I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
