if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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