is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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