I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
