I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
