i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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