Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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