If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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