I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
