i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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