I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
