maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
