I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
